Here it is, a work that was thirteen years in the making! Actually, it was only about two week in the making. It’s just that it was about thirteen years between the creation of this parody and the creation of my first parody: With the Vikings.
If you have been fortunate enough not to hear me perform this work before it is to the tune of The Seven Wonders from the album Silly Sister by Maddy Prior and June Tabor. I have kept the original form of the song so that each line of narrative is followed by a line of nonsense lyrics: “Talla ring, ting-ring, tethering too!” I have omitted the nonsense lines in the setting down for the sake of brevity.
You ask me why you’re not an armiger?
Well, I’ll tell you if you have got an hour.
There was the time that you mooned his Excellency.
That was the least of your seven deadly blunders.
There was the time you tried to qualify,
At the tourney in the Barony ,
And your back swing cold conked the marshall!
That was the next of you seven blunder.
Do you remember that Christmas ale you made,
And entered in Kingdom A and S
And it poisoned all the judges?
That was the third of your seven blunders.
Last winter at Kingdom twelfth-night
You drank too deeply of the wassail bowl,
And you puked on the Kingdom Seneschal.
That was the fourth of you seven blunders.
…And this summer at the war camp,
You wandered into the wrong tent,
And her grace was only half dressed.
That was the fifth of you seven blunders.
Last June we did a demo
At the Pentecostal Christian Youth Camp,
And you told then we all were pagans.
That was the sixth of your seven blunders.
There was that cute chick that you nearly made,
After plying her with Mad Dog 20/20.
She was her majesties underage daughter!
That was the worst of your seven blunders.